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A parenting expert has shared her tips on how to handle kids being addicted to their phone for Online Safety Day.
From overuse to anxiety, it’s becoming more and more challenging for parents to keep track of their children’s screen time.
Parenting expert Natalie Costa, the founder of Power Thoughts, has shared her top tips on managing phone addiction and keeping children safe online.
Speaking to Savoo, Natalie also discusses the key signs of a phone addiction and how to handle this if the situation arises.
What should parents do if they believe children are addicted to their smartphones?
“First of all, this is not about demonising phones. Phones are part of modern life – what we are really looking at is how we help children build capacity around something that is designed to hook their attention.
"Young brains are still developing impulse control and reward regulation, so the pull of constant novelty is genuinely harder for them to manage. That means the answer is not simply to remove the phone, but to bring children into the conversation.
“What tends to work better is stepping into their world first. Set aside time, and likely more than one conversation, to understand what they are doing on their phone and what they enjoy about it.
"When you approach it collaboratively, you are not just managing a device, you are helping your child develop self awareness, planning skills and emotional tolerance, which is the long term goal.”
What apps or platforms are parents or guardians seeing particular issues with?
“Short form content tends to be the most difficult for young people to disengage from. Platforms built around endless scrolling and quick bursts of novelty such as TikTok, Instagram Reels, YouTube Shorts and Snapchat make it very hard for the brain to stop.
"This constant stimulation and reward, especially for a developing brain, is incredibly compelling. It is not just about willpower; it is about how these platforms are structured, and where our kids are developmentally.”
What are the clearest warning signs? What does ‘healthy use’ look like?
“If you are seeing intense distress when the phone is removed; ongoing irritability, frustration after being online, withdrawal from family or social events, disrupted sleep, shifts in mood or a drop in school performance or attendance – these are all signals that something is out of balance.
“Healthy use does not mean never being on screens – it can be as simple as being able to put the phone down or end a game without panic, having periods where the phone is not present and tolerating that, while still engaging in offline friendships, hobbies and other activities.
"The phone becomes part of life, there are times where we use it to engage, entertain and also structured times to connect, be active, be in nature etc.”
When does smartphone overuse become a safeguarding or mental health concern that needs professional support?
“It becomes more concerning when you see an ongoing change in your child’s behaviour or wellbeing over time. If they are increasingly withdrawn, anxious or low in mood, if sleep is significantly affected, if school performance drops noticeably, or if they are being exposed to harmful content around body image, extreme ideologies or other risky spaces online.
“If phone use is interfering with sleep, friendships, school or mental health, and you cannot shift it with structure and collaboration, that is the point where professional support may be needed.”
What should parents do if phone usage is tied to anxiety or a child panics when it’s taken away?
“When a child panics without their phone, what you are often seeing is a nervous system response. If the phone has become a constant source of stimulation and distraction, removing it can feel like removing a coping mechanism.
“That is why I often tell parents that preparation matters. Rather than taking it away in the heat of the moment, set the scene beforehand. Acknowledge that it matters to them, spend a few moments stepping into their experience and how they feel when they are on their phone, be curious and ask how they feel. Acknowledge that it makes sense they feel panicked when it is taken away."
Also, share and explain that part of growing up is learning to feel okay without constant input. We want to gradually teach the nervous system that it can feel safe without that stimulation.
“This may involve helping them sit with discomfort, using breathing, movement or journaling, and building the capacity to tolerate hard feelings rather than swipe them away. A key thing for parents to also remember is that executive functioning skills like frustration tolerance, motivation, inhibition etc are all still skills their brain is learning to develop as the pre-frontal cortex is only fully formed by our mid twenties.”
How can parents set limits when ‘everyone else has unlimited access’ and their child fears being excluded?
“For many teenagers, their phone is not just entertainment, it is their social world, so the fear of exclusion is very real to them, therefore it really helps to acknowledge that first. This is also about collaborating on solving this challenge together with your teen. What ideas can they bring forward about setting healthier limits, and how would this benefit them?
“At the same time, parenting is not about competing with other households. It is about making decisions that protect your child’s wellbeing. That might mean agreed screen windows, devices downstairs overnight, and clear family norms around technology.”
What measures can parents bring in to ensure kids get proper screen breaks?
“I often talk about screen time and green time. Green time is anything that gets you off the screen and back into your body and your real life. That might be walking, being outside, dancing, sport, baking, drawing, or simply doing something physical that engages your senses.
“Children are still developing executive function skills, so structure helps. A visible calendar with clear blocks of screen time and green time can reduce conflict and increase predictability. What we model matters too. If we expect our children to take breaks, they need to see us doing the same.”
How do you help a young person replace the function of the phone (connection, identity, soothing) rather than just removing it?
“Their phones serve a function. They provide connection, distraction, identity and soothing. If we remove the phone without replacing that function, we create a vacuum, and this is where so many of the challenges lie.
“So we look at what the phone is providing and build that offline. Teaching emotional regulation so they can soothe themselves without constant distraction.
"Encouraging in-person friendships and activities that build their identity and confidence. Supporting genuine interests and hobbies that exist beyond the screen. This is about building emotional fitness, not just limiting technology.”
How can parents spot risky use when teenagers are good at hiding it?
“This is a long game. Teenagers are more likely to hide when they feel judged or overcontrolled, so the foundation has to be the relationship. If your teenager feels seen, heard and understood, and knows you will not immediately panic, they are more likely to come to you.
“This does not mean no boundaries – it means the tone matters, having open conversations, being able to understand their experience and still having clear expectations as a family, for example, devices not in bedrooms overnight, and age appropriate safeguards can exist without secret surveillance.
“I know it’s hard for parents, and a part of this is also being aware and knowing what your children are engaged in, but we cannot control every platform or every interaction. What we can influence is whether our child feels safe enough to bring concerns to us, and connection reduces risk far more effectively than control alone.”